U.S. — Groundbreaking, surprising new research suggests that people who block students from higher education based on their race are once again the good guys and history will almost certainly look back on them in a favorable light.

"We've just completed our exhaustive comparative study and as it turns out, the history could not be clearer," said Clarence Kirkland, leading World History researcher. "When someone bars another race from access to things like a restaurant or a classroom, those guys are actually always on the right side of history. Every single time!"

"In fact, telling other races where they can't sit, can't drink from, and aren't allowed to go has always corresponded with being the obvious, morally correct thing to do whenever we look to the past," continued Kirkland. "These modern-day protesters are no exception. Blocking students who just want to go to classes that they paid for just because they don't like what their race is will be seen as virtuous and the right thing to do, withstanding the test of time."

According to researchers and history itself, the people who think that they should be able to attend college without resistance are the clear villains, while those who appear to be hatefully discriminating based on race are the heroes.

At publishing time, another study was released showing that groups that resort to violence and burning everything down when they don't get their way are also on the right side of history every single time.

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